20 Dec 2004 - Scary: Another one of my famed "moments of clarity" occurred to me the other day. I finally realized why adults purposefully scare small children 25 Oct 2004 - Ramadan: Currently, here in the Middle East, I am experiencing what I, as a non-Muslim, call "hell month." I will quote Al Bundy and call this month, "Helluary." 05 Oct 2004 - Amazing: There are things in this world that traverse the boundaries of explanation. I call these things "Unexplainable Boundary Traversing Objects," or UBTO's. The master list containing these UBTO's is quite large, in fact, it is so large that to describe it on this website would be foolish, and might possibly induce the apocalypse. 28 Sep 2004 - Hi-Beams: What is my problem? You are asking me what my problem is? First of all, thanks for noticing I have a problem. Well, it's not so much a problem as an issue. I am trying to downplay the magnitude of my 'issue' because complaining about it make me sound like a little bitch. 06 Sep 2004 - Canada: Ihave been taking some online courses in order to finally get myself abachelor’s degree. As you can imagine, this affords me little time toupdate this site. Lately, I have had a difficult time finding time at workto update the site and do my class work. Every time I sit down to actuallydo something constructive, (constructive = non-work related) someone needs helpwith something. 16 Aug 2004 - Revelation: A friend of mine, lets call him 12 Aug 2004 - Shasta-Rama04: For those of you who noticed(Skippy), I went on a another vacation and I just got back today. I knowit is hard to continue living when you know that there will be no updates for abit, but I really need to get out of here every few months to make sure I do notdie. Life in the Middle East is not all lollypops and sandwiches you know. 24 Jul 2004 - GreatestFoods Ever, Part 1: Throughout my webauthoring career, I have editorialized on a few types of foods that I enjoy.There are other types that I enjoy, but I have not had a reason to write aboutthem. I do not want these foods to feel left out. They bring me so much joy. These foods are like my best friends, and I feel I owe it to them. 10 Jul 2004 - Midgets: What is the deal with midgets? I mean, what isreally going on there? They have the short stature, the bulky frame, etc. Why don't they all grow long beards and carry battle axes. That is what I would do if I were a midget. I would even wear chain mail to work. 27 Jun 2004 - Balls: Afterthe birth of my son Gage, the Anti-Muppet, I had proven myself the manliest of men by creating not one, but two offspring. Madison, my daughter, had been chosen to continue the bloodline of the one truethumb, and my son Gage, is the manliest man-boy ever to walk the earth. 11 Jun 2004 - Vegetable: Here is a list of vegetables I hate: 1. All of them! 04 Jun 2004 - Cake: One thing that has always irked me is when people say, "Youcan't have your cake and eat it too." I think this is utter crap. I never really thought about why it bothered me so much. There are somethings that you just accept without bothering to research the reason why. 26 May 2004 - Back: Ok, I know, you are all pissed. Get off my back. I wenton vacation. One would think that going on vacation would allow me enoughfree time to keep the site updated. Well, I will have you know that I onlyupdate this site while I am at work, so there. 12 Apr 2004 - Double Life: I lead a double life. I tried to keep this quiet, but some people, and you know who you are, have been hassling me to explain this. At first, I thought these emails were just another tool to keep the bald man down, and I decided that I could rise above the hate and ignore it. This failed. 05 Apr 2004 - Man-Types: What kind of man are you? Some people will say that they are a "leg man", some will say "breast man", some weirdoes will even say they are a "feet man". I even knew a goober that I used to work with that insisted that he was a "calf man" (I really hope he meant the lower leg)... 29 Mar 2004 - Greatness:I feel bad. I have been dwelling on the bad things in my life. Well, sometimes I feel bad, but let's face it, as humans, we define ourselves by our misery, so I have no reason to feel guilty about it. So, guiltyfeelings or not I am going to do a happy-fun article about what is good inlife... 25 Mar 2004 - Pit:I am going to share with you something that I have been purposefullychoosing not to write about, in the sincere hope that this "something"would rectify itself... 20 Mar 2004 - Camels:So, I am pissed now...Why? Well,the fine dining facility was supposed to serve gyros (pronounced: Jy-Rows) andwhen I got there, the dining facility was without gyro. I am talking majorleague disappointment here... 11 Mar 2004 - Ummmm: Welcome, boys and girls. Hmmm,what am I going to write about today? I could write about how ultimatelycool I am, or, maybe not. It would take way to long to verbally back up astatement like that... 21 Feb 2004 - Manly:I am pretty sure I am as manly as they come. I know it is hard to believe by looking at me, but I can confidently say that I am ultra-manly. You want proof? Fine, here are examples... 15 Feb 2004 - Angry:I am too angry to write anything. Ok, maybe I am not that angry...well...I am still rather perturbed. I honestly try to keep my anger in check, but I have been sick lately. I hate being sick. It makes me angry.... 30 Jan 2004 - Maids:I live in Qatar, the house I rent comes with weekly maid service. I do not know what her name is but she comes once a week. I am unfamiliar with the housekeeping rules of engagement but I feel safe in saying that the cleaning abilities of my maid can be categorized as "shitty"... 19 Jan 2004 - Random:I am having trouble thinking of things to write about. I have some ideas, but they are not prolific enough to fill up an entire web page. So, in the interest of the psychotic throng that is my fan base... 05 Jan 2004 - Poop:Ok, it was only a matter of time before I started writing about poop. I know you can't blame me. Poop is such a cool word to say... 25 Dec 2003 - Nuggets:I went to McDonalds the other night and ordered three double quarter-pounders with cheese, a diet coke, and some Chicken McNuggets for dessert... 06 Dec 2003 - Thumbs:A great man once said, "With great thumbs, comes great responsibility and criticism, along with widespread misunderstanding." When I say a great man, I mean, me... 02 Dec 2003 - Rain:Question: How do you make an entire country of people who live in the desert completely lose their fucking minds? 30 Nov 2003 - Cheese:Is there anything more alluring than pressurized cheese in acan? I am here to tell you that there is not... 14 Nov 2003 - Lesbians:Mottos are used liberally throughout our everyday lives. Every state has one, as well as I'm sure, every city and town in the United States. Mottos comein all shapes and sizes, even languages... 12 Oct 2003 - Generals:Generals are just like stray animals. The other day, I was up at the help desk when a dude walked up to me. He was wearing shorts and a T-shirt. He asked me if I could acquire him some speakers for his personal computer. I, being ever helpful, told him to "go piss up a rope!" ... 15 Sep 2003 - Smart:I am not a smart man. I admit it. If I see something that looks interesting, and someone tells me that it is dangerous, I will still do it. I do not want to learn from other's mistakes, I want to learn from my ownmistakes... 07 Sep 2003 - Donald:We used to have a mallard duck, and since duck-naming was not at the apex of any of our to do lists, he became known as "Donald"... 02 Sep 2003 - Dudley: In the early 1980's, when I was about 13, we got a dog. When I say dog, I mean that it resembled a dog in physiological sense, but other than that, it was more like a fluffy rat... 26 Aug 2003 - Bald: Allrighty. Let me see, in the summer of 2000, I had had it with screwing with my hair every morning to get it into a presentable "work hair" mode... 15 Aug 2003 - Cars :WARNING: This is a work in progress. I thought I could do this in an expeditious manner, but I am way wrong... 11 Aug 2003 - Strange:Ok, I did not want to mention anything, but I am having a slight problem with my rental car... 28 Jul 2003 - Uptight:I know that there is plenty of bitching going on everydayby everyone, especially on the internet, but bear with me while I do my share of bitching for the day... 27 Jul 2003 - Graffiti:I don't know about you, but one thing that I could never understand, is why people feel the need to write on the bathroom walls... 25 Jul 2003 - Expletives:As many people know, I am a fan of expletives. I have been perfecting the art of expletive placement for over two decades... 12 Jul 2003 - KFC:As everyone knows (well, not everyone I am sure), I am currently in the middle east, a small country (when I say country, I mean, shit-factory) called Qatar... 06 Jul 2003 - Speedo: Last night, I went to the Doha Airport and rented a car. Its a Ford Focus. It is not bad. I would say that as far as shitty cars go, it is near the less shitty end...
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