Hi-Beams

What is my problem?  You are asking me what my problem is? 

First of all, thanks for noticing I have a problem.  Well, it's not so much a problem as an issue.  I am trying to downplay the magnitude of my 'issue' because complaining about it make me sound like a little bitch.

I am speaking, of course, about fuckers that drive at night with their hi-beams on, always.

The truth is, this is not a world ending problem.  It is really not that big a deal.  Most people would deal with it calmly, and in a non-injury threatening manner.  I was one of those people.  In the United States, high-beam driving is not a common occurrence.  If you are alone on a dark road, it makes sense to apply your high beams.  If you forget when another car passes you, no big deal.  The other driver that you have offended will be miffed at first, but the miffed sentiment quickly dissipates.  Normally, I am not a miffed-prone individual, but driving on the roads here in the Middle East has caused me to become the mayor of angryville.

For reasons I have yet to figure out, driving with your hi-beams ALL THE FUCKING TIME seems to be the Qatari national pastime.  What makes this problem horribly worse, is the fact that every vehicle, from rusted out shit-box to luxury land cruiser is factory equipped with the brightest, most obnoxious, brain melting headlights ever created by man.  The headlights are so bright I can flash-cook a hotpocket on my dashboard as I am driving home.

I am a reasonable man, and I try to adapt to foreign cultures.  There have been times in the past, when I take it upon myself to gently remind drivers that they are driving with their hi-beams.  I quickly, but gently flash my hi-beams for a split second to let drivers  know their mistake.   I learned soon after, that this was not a well-thought-out plan.  One night, I happened to flash the only Qatari driver that was not using his hi-beams that night.  He responded to my friendly flash with a brain melting flash of his own...OH MY GOD IT HURTS, GOD PLEASE STOP THE PAIN, TELL MY WIFE AND KIDS I LOVE THEM, ETC, ETC, ETC.  After that I blacked out.  I don't remember how I got home that night.

What is the reason for this hi-beam madness?  The roads are not that dark.  It sure would be a hell of a lot easier to see if the entire country operated on low beams.  Hi-beam usage certainly does not make the residents here in Qatar drive any better.  You would think if they could see clearly at night, they would stop all the swerving/shitty driving.  Well, sadly, the swerving/shitty driving continues, and the only thing I have to show for it is hi-beam induced blindness.  Thanks a lot fuckers!

This madness has to stop.  I remember the good old days when I only saw spots after looking at a bright light for a second.  Now, I see spots all the time, even during the day.  Also, I have noticed that, due to my increased hotpocket consumption rate, I am now morbidly obese. 

I do obtain some satisfaction in brutally flashing the hi-beam offenders.  One thing that pisses me off is when I pass someone using their hi-beams, and they don't turn them off after I get past them.  I am treated to the rear-view mirror reverse optical fry as I drive past.  There is nothing I can do about this since I do not have hi-beam brake lights (although, that would be an excellent idea).  Maybe I could mount some hi-powered x-rays on the back end of my vehicle, and when the hi-beam fuckery does not cease, I can give them a radioactive dose of justice.  That would be the sweetest.

I swear, some days I just want to kill all the mother fuckers that drive with hi-beams on.  The problem is, I would have to kill everyone in this country...wait, is that actually a problem?  Just kidding, I would only like to wound the hi-beam shit-heads.  Maybe I could just take a baseball bat and crush every single mother fucking driver headlight in this country.  That would help, but would also cause another problem here, which is, driving without lights at all.

You think I am kidding.  Apparently, the motto here is "hi-beams, or no beams."  Either way, the result is the same, I am either blind and cannot see, or, I can see but might as well be blind.  One of these days, I tell you, I am just going to snap.

Ok, I got to go, my hotpockets are ready.