| New Update I am getting tired of starting every update with "I know I have not updated this site in a while...", even though there reams of proof to the contrary. Stop hassling me. How long did Stephen King take to finish “The Dark Tower series”? How about George R.R. Martin? We have been waiting like a bajillion years for book 5 of “Song of Ice and Fire”. Genius takes time! Let’s start again... I have wanted to get back to updating this site for a while, I think about it often, at least .25 times a week. Normally .25 times a week is too small a fraction to motivate me to greatness; also, I got shit to do. Keeping the same woman interested in me for over 20 years requires a lot of extra intramural cleaning and attending that leaves little time for intramural blogging. Recently however, four magical happenstances have caused me to begin again. I shall explain each happenstance in garish detail (or possibly regular detail). Be warned, everything you read from here on out may not actually be as entertaining as I will undoubtedly think it is. (E.g. MAGICAL HAPPENSTANCE… that is pure GOLD!) Also, there is no formal outline for this update, so I am performing without a net, so to speak. Nets are expensive. The only net-like device I own is the one I used to wrap around the trampoline to keep the kids from smearing themselves all over the stucco. Kid-smeared stucco aside, let’s get to it. First, my webhosting subscription expired. This is not normally a big deal as it is supposed to auto-renew itself on a yearly basis (every year, after the auto-renew, I am always left wondering why the hell I was charged $109 by America-online). Anyhoo, since my debit card had expired, the webhosting company did not have my new debit card number on file and thus, could not get their money. After I paid the fee, I started thinking that I should start using my business+ subscription plan for something other than email, which is a free service for most web consumers. What better way to exercise the full might of the business+ subscription plan than to fill a neglected personal website with useless rhetoric? THAT THERE IS GREAT VALUE! Note: The business+ subscription plan allows for
us to have up to 50 email boxes. At first, we had four, one for
each person in my immediate family. Sometime after, my daughter,
decided to create 46 more boxes to try for some
pokemon/guildwars/neopet/beiber/lolcats internet offer, which required
you to refer "friends" to get free stuff. She never got any free
stuff, unless you consider the 46 email boxes leaking with penis
lengthening spam free stuff. We all learned a terrible
lesson that day.
Second, I read an article on Thisistrue.com concerning writers block. Now, I am not even going to try to act like I am writer-enough to even know what writers block feels like. I always thought writers block was something professional writers got. Apparently, according to Randy Cassingham (author of thisistrue.com), there is no such thing as writers block. With that great weight lifted, I decided I should update my site. One more thing I should add, writers block was never my problem. My problem was un-mitigated, slovenly laziness, and intramural cleaning and attending. What was the point of mentioning writers block if it did not apply? Well, the article was actually very motivating, and anytime I can plug thisistrue.com I will (subscriptions are free). Also, someday, I hope to get paid by the inch at some major metropolitan newspaper. The more crap I type, the more I will eventually get paid. I am just practicing now. Speaking of getting paid by the inch, it’s a damn good thing I am not a male prostitute. I would starve. Thirdly, my wonderful wife and awesome children left me... …and went on vacation to Oregon for a month. I have A LOT of time on my hands now. Once everything was cleaned, it stayed clean. There is no laundry except for my own, and I can stretch three pairs of socks/underwear for at least a month. (GREAT VALUE!) There is no reason to maintain any semblance of adulthood when there is no one around to critique me. This allows for an easy transition into repugnance, in which I am well versed. Also, when the person who you have spent the last 20 years with leaves, you tend to feel the emptiness when you are alone in the house at night, and the only companionship you can find are the dogs, who will NOT LEAVE ME ALONE! I JUST WALKED YOU! STOP FOLLOWING ME. I JUST GAVE YOU A TREAT! YOU DON'T NEED TO BE IN THE BED WITH ME! YOU DON'T NEED TO BE UNDER THE COVERS! THERE ARE TREAT CRUMBS UNDER THE COVERS NOW! ARRRRGH! FFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCC...! What I mean is, I have more time now to concentrate on updating this site now that the wife and kids are gone. Fourthly, if you have noticed on facebook, I have been jogging. They call me the joggernaut. I don't know why, but one day I just felt like jogging. Now, if I need to go anywhere, I jog. Well, not if it is above 85 degrees; that is just stupid! (I learned that yesterday) While running, I have a lot of time to think. I see lots of different stuff. In fact, last Wednesday, I ran 12 miles. Along the way I saw a male deer (a stag, if you will), a giant war-rabbit (think Bigwig from Watership Down), a large mass of about 15 slugs, which I can only assume was a slug orgy (they were just doin' it out in the open), a drunk guy riding a bike (it was after 5pm), and a ghostly, robed figure named Obi-Wan Kenobi telling me to go to Dagobah (possible hallucination?) . My point is that I have lots of time to think while running, and thinking keeps me from dwelling on the inherent shittyness of running, while giving me ideas to update this site. So there you have it, four magical happenstances (STILL FUNNY!) for your ocular pleasure/discomfort (depending on how this is received amongst my readership). Hopefully I can keep this up! |