Pop Gossip

NOTE: This was originally on the blog I created, but in the interest of not having to update two things, I moved it here

What is the deal with the celebrity name-combining going on these days? I am speaking of the whole Brangelina, or Bennifer, or TomKat, or one I saw recently, Vaughniston. Can you see how clever that is? They take part of the names of the two celebrities and smash them together. I don't know how that could be cleverer. I hate them.

Are we as a society so busy all the time or retarded that we cannot take the time to read the whole name of celebrities while we peruse the MSN gossip sites at work?

Just so you know, I absolutely hate all celebrity gossip, and hearing it makes me want to pry out my own teeth out with an industrial staple gun. I don't give a weasel's ass where Brangelinniferkatiston spends their free time (see what I did there? Cramming them together like that, I made it easier for you to read).

What gets me most pist (I now spell pissed like this, you can also, if you want) is that I hear about this crap even though I do not frequently visit the celebrity gossip sites. It as though this crap is being crammed into my head as I sleep. I cannot get away from it.

It’s gotten so bad that my wife and I wish to be referred to as “Johnorrhia.”

It's the same with pop radio. I absolutely abhor pop radio. I hate the extreme MTV-esque station formats, the music, everything; yet I am familiar with the songs they play on the stations. How many times can I be exposed to that shitty-ass Abba remake by Madonna? The song is so shitty that I already know the lyrics.

“Time goes by, so slowly” “Time goes by, so slowly”

“Every little thing that I say or do, Hung up, I’m hanging up on you”

That’s it. Maybe I am too old to understand the lyrics, (lets face it, older is better) but it would appear to me that these lyrics make no sense at all. Also, I hate them.

Man, even thinking about this is getting me riled up. As I write this the song is playing over and over in my head. I don’t think I can stand it any more.

Maybe I am just hungry…

Maybe I will go snap into a Slim Jim…

Maybe Johnorrhia will go out to dinner tonight…